


Can't Have It All

by heartsdesire456



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 19:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes in life, things don't go your way and you have to accept it. Everybody knows you can't have it all... but maybe, just maybe, sometimes you actually can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Have It All

**Author's Note:**

> So less than a week ago I mentioned that this fic had died ages ago and would probably never be resurected... and then out of nowhere BAM! Yesterday I went from 4K to a finished nearly 13K... enjoy?
> 
>  
> 
> Fic also available on livejournal [here](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/922873.html)

Tommy grunted as he dragged the last box up the stairs. “Seriously you guys,” he said, panting as he got to the landing. “Thanks so much for this,” he said, using his fully body to push the box across the carpeted hall to the door. He stood up and sighed as he realized it wouldn’t fit through the door. “Well shit.”

Sauli laughed. “It’s not a big deal,” he said, and Adam nodded, coming over to grab the box and help Tommy wedge it through the door.

“Really, TommyJoe, you know I’d do anything for you,” Adam said, smiling at him brightly. Tommy snickered.

“Then pick this heavy shit up for me,” he said, only to let his smile slide into a pout when Adam picked up the box like it was nothing. “Damn your arms, DAMN THEM!” he whined, and Sauli grinned

“Don’t damn my boyfriend’s strength! I’m a little guy, I need him to get the heavy things around the house!” he teased, going to help Tommy get his bags now that all his boxes of things were in the guest room.

Tommy smiled as Sauli grabbed one of his duffle bags and he grabbed the other. “Really though, you sure this is okay?” he asked in a lower voice. “I know Adam would part the seas for his friends, but you know you can tell me if you really don’t like me taking over your guest room,” he said. “I’d find a way to make it seem like it wasn’t a thing when I found somewhere else to go,” he offered.

Sauli rolled his eyes. “Tommy, why would it bother me that Adam’s got a big heart? Besides, you’ve always been really nice to me, you’re only a little annoying,” he teased and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said, grinning. “Besides, I’m a hermit, I’ll probably never see you guys anyways. I’ll sleep all day, stick to the guest room all night, and only see the light of day when I’ve got stuff to do for the band,” he joked. He shrugged off his bag as they got to the guest room, dropping it onto the bed beside the one Sauli tossed there. “Just be sure to remember I’m here and hold off on the sex in communal areas. I really don’t want a show when I walk past the living room or something,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at Sauli as he flopped onto the bed beside his bag.

“Tommy!” Adam yelped, glaring, though he turned pink. “Oh my God, we do not have sex in the living room-“

“Hey, I’m not judging!” Tommy said, holding up his hands. “When the house is all yours again, feel free to do it on any flat surface in the house, but I just really don’t need to see my friends getting it on. I can really live without that mental image!” he teased, giggling at the colors Adam’s face was turning.

Sauli just laughed, sitting down beside Tommy. “Hey, just remember to go home with your dates, not bring them home with you. I, for one, do _not_ want to witness straight sex,” he said, faux-shuddering.

Tommy scoffed. “You know you like it,” he teased, poking him. “Admit it, you wanna see me getting freaky-“

“Oh God no, I’ve seen enough just watching you flirt,” Adam groaned. “No bringing girls home,” he said, pointing at him. “Seriously, I’m not trying to be a jerk, and it isn’t a ‘ew straight!’ thing, it’s more of a ‘I don’t want people knowing what the inside of my home looks like’ thing.”

Tommy snorted. “Adam, you know me, I’m not getting back on the horse that fast,” he said, sighing as he flopped onto his back.

Sauli pouted. “Aww, poor thing,” he said, reaching over to ruffle Tommy’s hair. “You’re like a little puppy,” he said, looking at his face when he pressed into Sauli’s hand. “Adam, can we keep him?” he joked and Adam snickered, walking over.

“We’ll let you get unpacked, Glitterbaby,” he said, leaning on the footboard to look down at Tommy’s face. “Sorry this all happened to you,” he said in a softer, more honest voice. He looked at Tommy’s face, frowning as he caught his eyes. “You didn’t deserve this.”

Tommy shrugged weakly, smiling sadly. “Shit happens, I guess,” he said, smiling with his eyes shut when Adam leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“If you need to talk, I’m always here, baby,” he said, ruffling Tommy’s hair affectionately as he turned to walk out, meeting Sauli at the door.

Tommy gazed up at the ceiling and blew out a puff of air weakly, thinking about the events of the past week. Tommy had known from the start that he didn’t love Kate. There was nothing wrong with her, so he thought it was best to just keep trying. They moved in together soon after they started dating, and after only six months living together, Tommy was happy. He wasn’t in love, it wasn’t his dream relationship, but it was a nice girl who was pretty waiting on him every night when he came home. They got along great, the sex was good, and he wasn’t alone. He was happy to come home for the first time in a long ass time.

Until he came home from tour with plans of crawling into bed with his girlfriend, only to find out his spot was already occupied by another man. Tommy had been willing to be calm about the situation until Kate admitted it wasn’t just one other man. It was other _men_. He had been outraged that she would sleep with men while he was gone and even more outraged when she accused him of sleeping with other women on tour anyways. He had always been faithful to Kate. He wanted to do a relationship _right_ only to have her ruin the attempts.

The worst part of it was that she was the one with her name on the lease, so even if he had been paying most of the rent, she still was able to kick him out. It took two days to get his things into storage and then turn around and bring what he needed to Adam’s place. Adam and Sauli had offered him their guest room for however long he wanted as soon as Tommy told them what happened, and he couldn’t really afford to keep living in a hotel room for a few weeks. Tommy felt awkward about living in their guest room, but they were both insistent and in the end, he was just grateful to have such great friends.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy wandered around the house aimlessly, eventually settling to see how many times he could slide down the staircase banister without falling off, before he finally fell over the rail backwards and landed on the hallway floor below with a loud thud. 

Sauli came out of the living room looking bewildered, only to raise an eyebrow at Tommy. “What are you doing on the floor?” he asked, and Tommy sighed, rolling to lay flat on his back.

“I’m _booored_ ,” he whined. 

Sauli sighed. “Dear God, you just moved in last week, you got off tour the week before, you can’t be bored yet,” he said, and Tommy groaned.

“I don’t know what to DO when we’re not on tour or doing promo and shit,” he said, flopping over onto his stomach. “Another week of this and I’ll be tweeting pictures of naked body parts, starting with my toes and ending with my balls,” he said, voice muffled by the floor.

Sauli snorted. “Please don’t, Adam will kill you and I like him _not_ in prison,” he said, then grabbed Tommy’s arm, tugging some. “C’mon, get up,” he said, and Tommy whined, slowly moving to his knees, flopping against the wall before sliding up it as he found his feet. “My God, you’d think you never spend a day taking time off,” Sauli said, throwing his hands up as he headed to the kitchen.

Tommy followed him, shuffling. “What do you do all day?” he asked, curiously. “I mean, you don’t have a job, you don’t spend all day blowing money… when we’re on tour, what the hell do you do with your time?” he asked.

Sauli laughed. “I don’t know. Stuff,” he said, shrugging. “Just go around town. Watch television. Go out with friends occasionally. Basic housework. Stuff,” he said, shrugging.

Tommy shot him a suspicious look. “Do you sit around eating bon-bons and watching Oprah?” he asked and Sauli gave him a confused look. Tommy chuckled. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t get lonely?” he asked seriously, hopping up on the counter while Sauli dug out some grapes and bottles of water, tossing one to Tommy.

Sauli sighed, smiling sadly. “Yeah, I do, but it isn’t like I’m all alone all the time. I have friends. I call home. It’s not so bad.” He shrugged. 

Tommy smiled. “Awwwwww,” he teased and Sauli shot him a look. “No it’s so cute! You’re a little housewife!” he teased, laughing when Sauli gave him a darker look than ever. “Ahhh my SOUL!” he choked out between laughs, ducking when Sauli threw a grape at him. 

“Kusipää,” he mumbled, shoving at Tommy’s knee as he walked past.

“No really!” Tommy said, hopping off to follow him. “I’ve got an idea! Just stop speaking gibberish,” he said, and Sauli glared.

Tommy loved to tease Sauli. It was all in good fun. Sauli picked right back rather than get offended so Tommy had more fun with him than most of his other friends. “For the last time, it’s not gibberish-“

“Dude, just face it, Finnish totally sounds like a made up language,” Tommy prodded, giggling when Sauli stuck his tongue out at him. “But seriously,” he started, flopping onto the couch, snatching up the remote. “You don’t speak Spanish do you?” he asked, and Sauli snorted.

“English was hard enough to learn, thanks,” he said, and Tommy grinned.

“YES!” he said, flipping channels until he found what he wanted. “Alright, so… this is a Spanish soap opera,” he said, and Sauli raised an eyebrow as he watched a priest beating a nun. “So, basically the idea is you watch it and make up your own story!” he said brightly.

Sauli tilted his head. “And this is fun for you?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Oh yeah, definitely!” he said, grinning as he sat back, stealing a grape from the bag between Sauli’s legs.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Dude, this is the best thing ever,” Sauli said, stealing another Doritos from the bowl on Tommy’s middle. “She’s totally sleeping with that man AND his teenage daughter!” he said, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure the doctor is the father of that nun’s baby that she got pregnant with when he raped her while she was in a coma,” he said, though neither of them had any idea what the actors were saying. “OOOOH!” Tommy shouted as the one chick blew the other away, laughing when Sauli yelped and jumped.

“Look! Holy shit, her baby is black!” he said, and Tommy snickered.

“Somehow white daddy and Mexican mommy does not generally equal a black baby,” he said, giggling. “Somebody got some splanin’ to do!”

“This is like _crack_!” Sauli gushed and Tommy grinned.

“Wait until we get started on the one that comes on at two-thirty. It’s a hospital drama. So good,” he said, grinning. “There’s a transgender nurse who had a sex-change then found out she’s actually…” He hummed. “Well she was straight, as a dude, but after she got her sex change that means she’s a lesbian? Whatever, point is, she likes chicks now and she embraces it and gets it on with this intern, only to find out the kid was a child prodigy or something who was only fifteen, so she’s like… a lesbian statutory rapist, but THEN the girl she was sleeping with ends up PREGNANT by a doctor who ACTUALLY raped her and there’s this epic love story now but they really have a problem cause she can’t tell on the doctor cause they’ll ask how she knows and its cause she’s having illegal sex with the girl, so they’ll both go down but the girl won’t tell on her own, and like, it’s all sorts of fucked up,” he said, and Sauli just stared.

“We need chocolate chip cookies,” he said at random when he finally found his voice.

Tommy just smirked. “Dude, I’m pretty sure you’re my new favorite person ever. Cookies and THEN tacos,” he said, and Sauli laughed.

“I always thought Adam was exaggerating when he said you loved tacos more than life itself,” he said, and Tommy scoffed, grabbing a handful of Doritos.

“I’m tempted to marry a taco-chef just to make sure I never run out of them,” he said, mouth full. “You know what would make this better? Beer,” he said, and Sauli hummed.

“We don’t have any, but we’ve got some tequila,” he offered, and Tommy considered it before shaking his head.

“Middle of the day isn’t the best time for that unless we want our asses kicked by a big dude with big boots when we get cheese all over his kitchen,” he said, and Sauli snickered.

“Adam would be pissed but it wouldn’t be so bad.” He stole some more Doritos, giggling when Tommy slapped his hand too late. “We could pout. The combined power of your puppy face and my big blue eyes and he’d melt like butter,” he said, grinning.

Tommy snickered. “Or you could just ‘distract him’ while I ran for it,” he said, and Sauli snorted.

“Yes, because I’m going to need to resort to using my body to calm my annoyed boyfriend. He’s not a crazy angry man, he’d just be a little upset. A pout and an ‘I’m sorry’ and he’d stop being angry,” he said, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Dude, don’t tell me you never do makeup sex,” he said, and Sauli shot him a look.

“No reason, we don’t really fight. We may disagree, but actually angry yelling and stuff? Very, very rarely.” He shrugged. “There’s a reason I up and left my life back home to be with him. If we had hate-filled fighting I doubt it would’ve been worth it.”

Tommy smirked. “Dude, angry sex is the best though!” he said, sitting up to face Sauli, placing the Doritos bowl on the coffee table. “Think about it, hard, crazy, sweaty, rough, _fantastic_ , life-changing fucking,” he said, and Sauli raised an eyebrow.

“Well now, someone has a rather dramatic sex life,” he said, and Tommy laughed.

“Dude, with the right chick, best sex there is,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Rough sex is the best sex.”

Sauli made a face. “Ew, girls,” he said, and Tommy smirked.

“Hell, I bet it would be even hotter with a dude, I could be rougher,” he said, and Sauli rolled his eyes.

“Sexist!”

Tommy grinned. “True,” he said, reaching over to poke Sauli’s side. “Girls tend to be smaller than dudes, at least the ones I date. With a man my size or bigger, I wouldn’t have to worry about bruises and accidentally knocking him into the bed rail or something, since a bigger person wouldn’t sling around so easily.”

Sauli just tilted his head to the side. “Wow, how rough are you talking? Pretty sure violent sex like that would be scarier than sexy.”

“This girl I dated in my mid-twenties? We broke half the furniture in her apartment one night,” he said, and Sauli just hummed.

“That would be equal parts hot and scary. I’m not sure I’m into that kinda stuff. I’m a little guy, after all,” he said, then shrugged. “A man as big as mine, even if he was willing to get rough with me, could seriously hurt me without meaning to.”

Tommy just hummed. “What about a dude closer to your own size?” he asked, and Sauli raised an eyebrow.

“Why, you offering?” he teased, blowing a kiss at Tommy, who just laughed, shoving at him playfully. He yelped when Sauli retaliated by pushing him off the couch, laughing as Tommy’s flailing hand caught the Doritos bowl and sent orange dust flying everywhere.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got home, the last thing he expected to walk in on was a _food fight_ from the living room all the way to the kitchen. “What in God’s name is going on here?!” he asked, eyes wide as he stared in disbelief at Sauli, who was holding a cookie sheet as a shield at the kitchen door, brandishing a can of squirtable whipped cream, and Tommy, who was pelting him with pretzels from across the hallway.

Sauli helped, dropping the pan. “AH! Voi vittu,” he groaned, clutching his chest. “God, you scared me,” he said, and Adam just put his hands on his hips, glaring between them.

“What the hell?” he asked, and Tommy giggled, trying to hide it by holding the bag of pretzels over his face. “TommyJoe, what the hell are you doing with those pretzels?” he demanded and Tommy grinned cheekily.

“Makin’ a sandwich, what do you think?” he asked, and Adam glowered. “What?”

“Clean it up,” he said, looking between them. “My God, I’m living with children,” he said, shaking his head as he walked past them, stepping over the pan Sauli had dropped. “Swear to God-“

Tommy rolled his eyes. “I’ll get this, you go handle prissy pants,” he said, and Sauli snickered.

“He’s going to hate us within a few weeks,” he said, then snuck a look to make sure Adam was really upstairs before he darted forward, spraying Tommy in the face with the whipped cream. “HAHA! I win!” he cried, then ran upstairs before Tommy could clear his eyes and grab him.

“FUCKER!” Tommy shouted, rolling his eyes as he went to get something to clean the hall with.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sauli found Adam in the bedroom, kicking off his boots. “Adam?” he asked softly, walking over. When Adam looked up, eh bit his lip, giving him a wide eyed, apologetic look. “Are you mad?” he asked in a tiny voice.

Adam sighed, flopping back onto the bed. “Just… tired,” he said, groaning as he raised his hands to rub over his face. “Why did you two do… whatever it is you did?” he asked, frowning curiously up at the ceiling.

Sauli sighed. “Tommy got bored-“

Adam cut him off with a laugh. “Yeah, never a good thing,” he joked and Sauli smiled. “C’mere,” he said, holding out his hand.

Sauli walked over and slid his hand into Adam’s, crawling up to lie on his stomach beside Adam, looking down at his face. “Sorry we were messy, I guess it was just so much fun I couldn’t really make him stop,” he said, pouting some.

Adam groaned. “You two are going to kill me,” he said. “You both bat those fucking eyelashes and I’m _gone_ ,” he said, and Sauli giggled.

“Between his pout and my eyes, you’re done for,” he teased, leaning down to peck Adam’s lips. “Sorry we made a mess,” he whispered, and Adam smiled, lifting his head to steal his lips again.

“Eh, we can blame Tommy,” he said, falling back with a thump, smiling up at Sauli as he reached up to stroke his cheek. “How annoying was he, really?” 

Sauli smiled, sitting up. “I told you when you suggested he move in, I don’t _mind_ him! He’s no more annoying than you get when you’re being a brat,” he said and Adam faked a gasp of offence. “He’s my friend, too, you know? He’s always been good to me, from the start.”

Adam smiled. “Yeah, TommyJoe’s kind of amazing about that. He’s so nice to people,” he said, reaching out to hold Sauli’s hand. 

“IS DADDY ANGRY, MOMMY?!” Tommy shouted from the landing, and Adam groaned as Sauli snickered.

“I lied, he’s a dick,” Adam grumbled. “No, Tommy, I’m not angry,” he called, and the door opened without preamble.

“Sweet!” Tommy cried, running to tackle Sauli, who yelped as he landed on the bed. “MOMMY!” he cried in a playful voice, wrapping his arms around Sauli. “HOLD ME MOMMY!”

“I did not give birth to a kitten,” Sauli giggled and Tommy sat up, gaping.

“You traitor!” he cried in mock-surprise, and Adam laughed, rolling his eyes. “You converted him!” he hissed at Adam, who sighed.

“God, why are you my best friend? Why? You’re insane!” he exclaimed, only to yelp when Tommy fell over on top of him, flailing out like a starfish.

“Cuz I’m awesome and you love me!” he said petulantly, snuggling into Adam’s chest.

“Save me!” Adam whined, and Sauli laughed, rolling his eyes at the two. 

Tommy sat up, looking between them. “Oh hey, I wasn’t interrupting, was I?” he asked, then smirked wiggling his eyebrows at Sauli. “You know, what we talked about today,” he said, and Sauli flushed, glaring.

Adam raised an eyebrow, propping his head on his folded arms as he lay on his back beside them. “Talk about what?” he asked, and Sauli glowered at Tommy shushing him to no avail.

“Oh! I was talking to Sauli all about how awesome angry, sweaty, hardcore makeup sex is,” he said, then smirked. “Also, why Adam! No makeup sex?! You’re holding out on your dude!”

Adam groaned. “Tommy, I don’t need sex tips from you-“

“If the lack of angry sex is anything to go by, you kinda do,” he interrupted, and Sauli groaned.

“Like I told you, we don’t _fight_ to GET angry enough for angry sex!”

“Exactly!” Adam said. “Why would I _want_ to make him mad just in hopes of angry sex? I like having a boyfriend,” he pressed.

Sauli huffed. “You better not purposefully piss me off just for angry sex,” he said, and Adam snorted.

“Not that he needs to hear it, but trust me baby, what we’ve got is good enough, thanks,” he said, and Tommy smirked.  
“Well now! You kinky, kinky bastards!” he said, giggling evilly.

Adam glared. “We are not kinky!”

Sauli hummed. “Well…. It depends what he defines as ‘kinky’-“

Adam snorted. “We are SO far from ‘TommyJoe’ kinky,” he said firmly. “Trust me, you don’t even wanna know-“

Tommy sighed, sitting back on his knees. “There was this one night with a transgender dwarf, a cheap hooker, and edible body pain… won’t ever forget that one,” he said with a faraway look on his face.

Adam nodded at him pointedly and Sauli frowned, tilting his head. “Ewwww,” he said and Adam nodded.

“Oh yeah, Tommy probably has more diseases than a bath-house floor,” he said, and Tommy huffed.

“I resent that, I’m totally a safe-sex kinda guy! I’m disease free-“

“Unlikely,” Adam said, and Tommy crossed his arms.

“Oh yeah? And what was all that shit first tour?” he challenged and Adam rolled his eyes.

“Do you really think I had sex with half the guys I made out with that tour? I barely had time to sleep! I was only dancing off the adrenaline from the show. I got more action from YOU than I did off stage!” he said, then smiled at Sauli. “Well, until Europe,” he said, and Sauli smirked, blowing him a kiss.

Tommy frowned. “So you’re saying the whole US leg of the first tour you didn’t get ANY groupies?” he asked, making a face. “I got like… tons!”

Adam snorted. “The only sex I had on the US leg of the first tour was with my ex-boyfriend when we hung out at that party at his place. We had a two-show city and I spent the weekend holed up with him. That was _actually_ all the sex I had that tour that wasn’t with myself,” he said, and Tommy cringed.

“Wow, poor bastard. I got like… so many chicks,” he said, shaking his head. “And dude, how long were you getting it on with him-“ He nodded at Sauli, “In Europe, because dude… you were totally close to my mom forcing you to marry me on stage then,” he said, and Sauli laughed.

“I remember that,” he said, smiling at Adam. “That was when you were convinced I thought it was hot, isn’t it?” he asked, and Adam nodded sheepishly. “That was my fault, sorry he nearly raped you,” he said to Tommy, who shrugged.

“Eh not complaining, chicks in Europe have sticks up their asses. I wasn’t getting _any_! A little taste on stage was better than what I was getting off the stage,” he said, shaking his head. “European men are just so much prettier so I’m not PRETTY there, I’m ‘plain’.” He gave Sauli a suspicious look. “Damn your face,” he hissed playfully.

Sauli smiled. “I’m sorry we’re pretty people in northern Europe,” he said solemnly. “You should’ve been born more European,” he teased.

Tommy snorted. “You and Adam both are so fucking… handsome! I’m pretty, in a girly way, but you two and your damn Scandinavian ancestry and blue eyes and pretty skin-“

Adam scoffed. “You’ve seen my skin, right?” he asked, and Tommy poked him in the tummy.

“I love freckles and you’re both covered in them, shut up,” he said petulantly.

Sauli smiled. “If you want the truth, I adore your skin,” he said honestly, reaching out to touch his cheek. “You’re so _pale_ and you look like a little doll or something. It’s very beautiful.”

Tommy grinned suddenly and turned to bite Sauli’s wrist, making him yelp. “Rawr,” he said, tackling Sauli to hug him. “You’re little like me, I can jump on you and it works!” he said triumphantly and Adam groaned.

“My God, I’ve adopted a pet!” he said and Sauli laughed, curling his arms around Tommy, petting his hair.

“I like him, he’s fun!” he said, smiling. “A pretty boy to snuggle with when you’re gone?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Sign me up!”

Adam snorted. “No stealing my man, TommyJoe. Best friends don’t steal each other’s dudes,” he said, and Tommy grinned impishly.

“If I steal your man, you can totally steal mine,” he said and Adam glared.

“You’re not funny.”

“I’m totally funny,” Tommy said, then nuzzled Sauli’s chin. “Right mommy?” he asked, bursting into giggles when Sauli accidently got a mouthful of Tommy’s hair.

Adam just rolled his eyes. “You guys are crazy,” he said fondly, smiling across the bed as his best friend and the man he loved play-fought. It was great that the two most important people in his life got along so well.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So, let me get this straight… life was really like this out west?” Sauli asked, watching a movie with Tommy. One of his favorite westerns.

Tommy nodded. “Oh yeah, this was based on real life,” he said, nodding at Doc Holliday blowing away one of the Cowboys. “That dude existed. He was a dentist. From Georgia.”

Sauli hummed. “Didn’t they have judges and courts and _civilized society_ by then in America?” he asked.

Tommy snickered. “Sauli, do judges and courts and civilized society stop people from killing each other _now_?” he asked, and Sauli hummed.

“Good point,” he said, shaking his head. “I just don’t understand. Why do you like watching people ride horses, wear funny hats, and shoot each other?” he asked, and Tommy leveled him with a look.

“Why do you like a movie where a rich asshole picks up a hooker and keeps her for a week and magically falls in love with her?” he countered, and Sauli huffed.

“Pretty Woman is an amazing movie-“

“It’s about a _hooker_ getting paid to stay with a rich schmuck for a week and then magically they live happily ever after. Shit like that doesn’t happen! You don’t fall in love in a week even under the best circumstances!” he said, and Sauli raised an eyebrow.

“They don’t huh?” he asked, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Hell no, I mean… I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love, but it just doesn’t happen. Closest thing I ever felt to falling in love was when I met Adam and that was platonic, so it doesn’t count,” he said, shaking his head.

Sauli smirked. “Do you know how Adam and I met?” he asked, and Tommy shrugged.

“Somewhere in Europe during the last leg of the first world tour,” he said, and Sauli shook his head. Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Really now? You didn’t show up until… Austria? Germany? Somewhere in there.”

“Finland,” Sauli said simply. “In the spring, not the fall,” he said, and Tommy hummed.

“Adam never mentioned meeting a boy in Finland,” he said slowly. “Okay so that’s where you met, I guess you got back in touch and got together in the fall-“

“Oh we did, but it was before you all got to Europe,” he said, and Tommy frowned.

“I really don’t follow. And what does it have to do with Pretty Woman?” He grinned. “Were you a hooker?!” he asked, bouncing. “Please say yes, c’mon!”

Sauli laughed, shoving him. “No I wasn’t a hooker!” He sighed, smiling at the memory. “We met in the VIP of a club the first time you guys were in Finland,” he started. “It was going to be a hookup, plain and simple.” He paused, smiling bashfully. “It was… different. I can’t explain it. He wasn’t just some hot guy who was for-real-famous like I expected. He was very sweet. He didn’t kick me out of bed after the sex. He actually offered to order late-night dessert since we were neither very tired as we’d left the bar early,” he said, smiling and rolling his eyes. “So I stayed the night, and the next morning he still didn’t make me leave. I was worried I was overstaying my welcome, but when I started to leave, he asked if I wanted to go to breakfast with him, and he seemed so casual about it I just assumed he was the kind of guy who was good to his one-night stands,” he said, then smiled. “But then we got to talking, and just hanging out and he was so interesting and funny,” he gushed, biting his lip. “So after breakfast, he had to go to some interviews, but asked me if he could see me again that night. He wanted to hang out just the two of us, so we decided to hole up in his hotel room and watch movies.”

Tommy frowned. “Dude, that’s right, he told us he was too tired to party, I remember that,” he said, then shot him a look. “I can’t believe he lied to get laid!” he said, rolling his eyes.

Sauli snickered. “That’s the best part, we didn’t even have sex the second night! We were watching the movie and kept talking over it, discussing our opinions of the film, then we ended up getting on films in general, and after that…” He shrugged. “The conversation never dropped, it never got weird. It was like we’d known each other forever and were just having a night in together. It was so different from anything I’d ever experienced with someone I was attracted to, not a friend. We ended up talking late into the night and fell asleep talking about our lives and our dreams and our pasts… everything,” he all but whispered, grinning as he looked down at his knee, lost in thought. “The next morning we woke up and lay in bed simply whispering compliments back and forth and it was so touching and different for me.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “We left that night, didn’t we?” he asked, and Sauli nodded.

“Adam and I had sex again before you guys had to leave and… we decided to stay in touch. It wasn’t anything meant to be romantic,” he clarified. “We just thought we had found a friend in each other, besides the sex, and we wanted to stay in touch.”

Tommy hummed. “Alright… so was it like… fell in love through text messages?” he asked, then smiled. “That’s really sweet!”

Sauli sighed. “We didn’t speak again but twice,” he said, and Tommy blinked.

“Then how-“

Sauli laughed. “I never stopped thinking about him! I would go on dates and they were never what I wanted because I had met such a wonderful, fun, happy, beautiful man and they were never close,” he said, biting his lip. “We texted each other once or twice, that was it, and then when I heard he was in Europe, even though I doubted he thought of me as more than a random fuck, I decided to just call him, just to see if he wanted to hang out. Just to catch up,” he said, biting his lip. “It took one invitation to come to a show and I booked a flight. I flew from home to wherever the hell you guys were and saw the show, then met him after and… it all just fell into place,” he said, smiling. “So in a way, if you want me to be totally honest, I fell in love with Adam over a span of three days. Two nights together,” he said softly. “Some would say I just had a crush and got to know him better, but I know it.” He shook his head. “After less than three days with that man and I knew he was it for me. He’s- he’s one of about three people I’ve got so close to in such a short time,” he said softly.

Tommy grinned. “I’m totally one of them, though, right?” he asked, and Sauli laughed. “What?! You totally were my buddy in like… an hour!” he said, and Sauli rolled his eyes, kicking him lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, well you and Adam have very similar charm. You can tell you are very alike.”

Tommy smirked. “And I’m dead sexy, don’t deny it, you totally want me,” he teased, making exaggerated faces at Sauli, who laughed.

“My God, you’re a _child_!” Sauli reached out and shoved at him companionably. “Fucker,” he said, and Tommy grinned, falling over to use his lap as a pillow.

“Alright, so, back to the movie!” he said, pointing at the screen. “That guy and that guy were totally boning-“

“Oh they were not-“

“TOTALLY WERE!” Tommy shouted over him. “And like, they pretend they aren’t but the little guy totally gets sad when he dies-“

“Why are you telling me that he dies before he dies?!” Sauli argued and Tommy reached up and put a hand over his mouth, shutting him up before he continued.

“And then he goes all ‘fuck you all!’ when he finds out his friends did it,” he continued and Sauli just rolled his eyes licking at Tommy’s hand to try and make him stop to no avail.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sauli shook his head as he pushed around the shopping cart with Tommy sitting in it. “Why do I like you?” Sauli asked, grabbing the gummy bears Tommy was making grabby hands at. “Adam doesn’t like a lot of junk food around because he doesn’t like the temptation. You are sitting in a cart full of it.”

Tommy scoffed. “Adam’s so fucking sensitive. Seriously, he should just embrace his squishiness and eat happily.” He looked up at Sauli. “You cannot convince me he would rather _not_ eat all the gooey yummy chocolate ice cream you’re going to buy me,” he hinted, fluttering his eyelashes at him.

Sauli rolled his eyes. “Hey, he’s worried about his figure. It’s _normal_ -“

“It’s bullshit,” Tommy argued. “Look, be honest, would you really care if he got chubby like he was around the time you guys met? I mean, you’re the only person who he has to worry about seeing him naked anymore, and something tells me you wouldn’t really care.”

Sauli sighed. “Of course I wouldn’t, I love him no matter what, but he is famous. He gains ten pounds and suddenly everybody is calling him a fat ass. It matters to him.” Sauli ruffled Tommy’s hair. “Not all of us can be so carefree about what people think as you. You don’t give two shits about going out with stubble and dirty hair and half-losing your pants, but the rest of us often do care about how people perceive us.”

Tommy just snorted. “We’re dudes. Girls are the ones who fuss about how fat their ass is, men didn’t used to give a shit.”

Sauli sighed. “And you’ve never been fat. You’ve never had somebody look at you and laugh, have you?” he asked, flicking his ear. “Adam has. He grew up fat and you know as well as I do that no matter how beautiful he is, he’s always going to remember being the fat, weird kid.”

Tommy sighed. “I don’t get it, though. I was the short kid and I didn’t care. I was sorta chubby at one point too! I mean, it was totally from all the muscle-building, weight gain supplements I took since I was intent on bulking up then, but still, I just can’t understand it. I mean,” He waved a hand at Sauli, “he’s really fucking hot.”

Sauli just shot him a look. “Stop perving on my man, bitch,” he said, grinning. “And yeah, I know that, I’m not blind. But I understand him, too. I mean, I wasn’t ever the ugly kid, but I was short. I mean, you’re just kinda short, but I’m from a place where men are generally Adam’s height or taller on average, you know?” He chuckled. “I was always teased and laughed at for my height. And look at me now! They’re sheep farmers and I’m living in LA with a rock star,” he said with a smug smirk.

Tommy just snickered. “Why Sauli! I didn’t know you felt that way about me!” he teased and Sauli couldn’t help but fall into giggles with Tommy. “C’mon, you know you love me!” Tommy said, and Sauli just sighed, shaking his head.

“Of course I do, you dork,” he said, leaning over to kiss Tommy’s cheek with a smack, starting another round of giggles when Tommy turned at the same time and his kiss landed at the corner of Tommy’s mouth. “Even if you are just a strange tattooed man in my cart,” he said loud enough for the woman passing them to hear.

Tommy grinned impishly. “Oh hey! Idea!” he announced before he began air-guitaring and, much to Sauli’s embarrassment, singing loudly and off key. “I’m the man in your cart! Buried under your groceries!” Sauli just groaned, ducking his head to hide his face from everybody they passed, pushing the cart just a bit faster so that Tommy’s _really_ loud “Feeeeeeeed my tummy! Can you make it full?” as they passed through the produce section.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy and Sauli were putting up their groceries, only Tommy had taken off his shoes so that he could run and slide across the kitchen floor to stop in front of whatever cabinet he needed to put something in. Sauli kept yelping and jumping out of the way when Tommy slid off course, laughing at Tommy when he ran into things. Tommy had just skidded into Sauli, knocking them both onto the floor in a heap when they heard the door open. Tommy grinned. “Mommy, Daddy’s home!” he said and Sauli shoved him off of him to sit up.

“Tommy? Sauli?!” Adam shouted, and Tommy sat up, sharing a frown with Sauli at how _angry_ Adam sounded. “Where are you two little-“ He walked past the kitchen, then stopped, turning back, only to glare at them.

Tommy frowned, standing up. “What?” he asked, offering Sauli a hand to help him up.

Adam just crossed his arms. “What the fuck were you two thinking?!” he snapped, and Tommy and Sauli both shrank back some.

“About what?” Sauli asked, stepping forward. “Adam, is something wrong?” He walked forward and laid a hand on Adam’s arm, but Adam shook him off, making Sauli start. 

“Do you have any idea what kind of trouble your little stunt could’ve caused?!” Adam demanded, glowering down at Sauli. “You have got me in so much shit with my publicist after you pulled that shit!”

Tommy frowned. “Adam, calm down, what did we do?” he asked, and Adam looked up, eyes narrowed. “Hey, don’t look at me like that, fucking talk,” Tommy said sharply.

“You two being all around shits, attracting attention, and _then_ kissing!” he cried angrily. “It’s one thing for my boyfriend and my best friend to cause a scene in a fucking grocery store, but THEN deciding to kiss? Yeah, I get it, you two are just fucking shits together, but everybody else will look at those pictures and drum up some gossip about you two fucking around on me and I am going to be in SO MUCH shit, because you two are fucking stupid-“

“Adam, we didn’t mean to cause any trouble for you,” Sauli said softly, grabbing his hand, only to gasp and jump back some when Adam ripped his hand away from Sauli’s, glaring down at him.

“Yeah right, I know for a fact you’re a smart guy, you just can’t fucking _think_ before you do something stupid and get me in a SHITTY SITUATION-“

“Adam,” Tommy snapped, catching Adam’s attention. He looked over to see Tommy giving him a cold glare before glancing down at Sauli, who was staring down at the floor, shaking.

“I’m sorry, Adam!” he squeaked, then shoved past Adam, leaving them both to hear him all but running up the stairs.

Tommy scowled and stalked over to Adam. “What the fuck?!”

Adam glared. “Don’t what the fuck me! You two got me in so much trouble today-“

“ALRIGHT!” Tommy cried, groaning. “Fuck, I get it, ‘Tommy bad!’ but what the fuck, you can’t just fucking _shout_ at people, asshole!” He shook his head, eyes dark and angry. “Why the hell did you yell at him? What, do you think we sent out with the idea to fuck up your day?” he demanded, throwing up his arms. “If anything, I was the asshole! I made him push me around in the fucking shopping cart, I started singing obnoxiously, I kept making rude remarks to see him laugh! I drew attention to us- which should be clear, since I was the one in the fucking cart- but no, you yell at him?!”

Adam sighed. “Because you do shit like this, Tommy! Everybody knows my band is full of crazies. Nobody has ever seen my boyfriend being obnoxious and going around kissing my friends for fun! People talk about shit like that-“

Tommy’s cheeks flamed, he was so angry. “What the fuck, so Sauli isn’t allowed to have any _fun_?! Just because he’s fucking you, he isn’t allowed to goof off and be a shit just like me? Fuck, he’s got it so fucking hard-“

Adam threw up his arms. “I didn’t say that-“

“Shut up and let me fucking finish!” Tommy snapped, startling Adam some. “I’m not blaming you, okay? He did what he had to so he could be with you, but do you have any fucking clue how hard he has it?! I’ve always got a band to fuck around with when we’re off tour, so my down time isn’t so bad and I STILL get stir crazy. Do you know what he does?! You’re gone more often than you’re here and he sits here and does _nothing_ ,” he spat. “He gave up his home, and his friends, and his family to live here and what does he do all day?! He sits around watching TV, or going shopping for fucking groceries and shit. Sure, he goes shopping with friends sometimes, or out to lunch with somebody very rarely, but the fact of the matter is, the only friends he has are your friends, and most days he sits here watching tv. Fuck, he cleans for _fun_ some days because he has nothing better to do!” Tommy shouted. “And I get it, I do the same thing when I’m bored, but he does this shit without the knowledge that soon he’ll get to go on tour again!” Tommy leveled Adam with a glare. “He puts up with being alone all the fucking time just because SOME of the time, he has you here with him.” Tommy shook his head. “And I’m not saying that so you feel guilty, I mean, he made the choice and knew what he was getting into. He doesn’t regret it, I mean, I know the dude. He loves you like you hung the fucking stars in the sky! But he deals with being bored and lonely so much because he’s willing to do whatever he has to to be with _you_.” Tommy just shook his head sadly. “And then you fucking yell because for once he’s able to have a little fun because he’s got someone here to hang out with him.”

Adam just stared at him with regret etched into every line of his face. “I-“

Tommy just rolled his eyes. “You should learn to appreciate what you have, you selfish bastard,” he spat, shoving past Adam as he headed upstairs after Sauli.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was on his laptop, wishing he was asleep so he didn’t have to hear the muffled sound of Adam and Sauli arguing. They weren’t yelling like Adam had in the kitchen, but Tommy knew they weren’t exactly having a friendly chat since he could hear them.

He was surprised, however, when there was a knock and then Adam ducked in. “Um… hi,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“What’s up?” Tommy asked, and Adam sighed, walking over to flop onto the bed beside him. “You okay?”

Adam looked over at Tommy. “I’m a dick.”

Tommy smiled. “Yeah, you are, dude.”

Adam smiled sadly. “Sauli’s pissed now that he’s over the shock of being yelled at. Pretty sure I’ve never yelled at him sober.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re a diva bitch sometimes.” He closed his laptop and rolled to face Adam. "Look, I really am sorry we got things all annoying for you and shit. I mean, we were just hanging out.”

Adam sighed. “I know. And I know all that other shit too.” He shrugged. “You know, about how much Sauli has sacrificed to be with me. I know it and I guess in a way I haven’t really got a leg to stand on when it comes to telling him he can’t have some fun for once.”

Tommy shrugged, reaching out to catch Adam’s hand. “Well, it has been a lot of my fault for today. But in the end, you didn’t have to be so mean and angry. I got pretty pissed at how you took it out on Sauli. The more we hang out, the more I’ve come to realize he’s pretty much an awesome guy and it pissed me off so bad to see you yelling at him after _everything_ he does is for you and to be with you.”

Adam sighed. “Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he said, whining as he rolled closer and curled an arm around Tommy. “So, I’m gonna stay here, okay? Sauli forgave me but he totally won’t let me back in the room.”

Tommy rolled his eyes and reached over to turn off the lamp. “Whatever, but if you roll over and squish me, you get to explain to Sauli how you killed his playmate,” he teased and Adam laughed, poking Tommy in the middle when he came back.

Adam curled an arm around Tommy and sighed. “You know, for the record, I’m really glad you and Sauli are friends.”

Tommy hummed. “Well, he’s kinds awesome. You have great tastes in the people you bring around you. Friends and boyfriends too, apparently.”

Adam just giggled. “Cuz I’m awesome.”

Tommy hummed and snuggled into Adam’s hold. “Nah, you just get lucky.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy woke up, he was confused because he saw Adam in front of him but felt breath in the back of his hair. He rolled over, only to raise an eyebrow when he found Sauli looking at him. “Wha?”

Sauli shushed him. “I didn’t like being alone,” he whispered and Tommy hummed, rolling around to face him better. “No room on his side or I’d totally be snuggled up to him,” he teased and Tommy grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, you know you like my cuddles,” he whispered, slinging his arm around Sauli’s waist the same way Adam’s was around his waist. “You forgive him then?”

Sauli nodded. “He did have a reason to be upset, I was just pissed at how badly he reacted. We made up but I was still sort of hurt. But then I couldn’t sleep alone when I knew you guys were here.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Us guys, huh?”

Sauli shrugged. “Either one of you works,” he teased and Tommy smiled, curling his arm tighter around Sauli.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy groaned when he shut the door. All the lights were out but he wasn’t surprised, he had gotten back pretty late. He wasn’t _drunk_ , but he was tipsy enough that all he wanted to do was go to sleep. He was careful about not banging his guitar on the wall on his way upstairs, since Adam and Sauli had already gone to bed. He carried his guitar to his room and then changed before heading down the hall to the bathroom. It was only on his way back that he heard a noise. He frowned, wondering what the thud he heard had been. He stood and waited to hear another, but ended up being too tired to be bothered. If there was a burglar, the alarm would’ve gone off. 

He was almost past Adam and Sauli’s room, however,w hen he realized the door was open about a foot. He stopped, about to pull it shut so that their alarm in the morning wouldn’t wake him up, only to stop when he actually glanced up. He slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his gasp.

Tommy wasn’t sure if it was shock that kept him from moving or what, but he was sure as hell standing watching his two best friends having sex. Sauli was straddling Adam, lean, muscled back arched as he moved with the motions of Adam’s body beneath him. Tommy could see the way Adam’s fingers dug into Sauli’s hips and he could hear the breathy sounds Sauli made. 

After a moment, Tommy broke from his trance and quickly darted down the hall, really not too keen on sticking around to see how things… ended.

That night, Tommy’s dreams were confusingly plagued with a mixture of Adam’s hands on _his_ hips and his own hands on Sauli’s lean, gorgeous back.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy woke up, he felt like he hadn’t slept a wink. When he got downstairs, nobody else was up. The sun was barely up. Tommy turned on the coffee maker and then leaned against the counter, watching dust float in the sunbeam beside him. He was drawn from his lazing by footsteps. He looked up and smiled when he saw Adam ambling in. “Morning,” he grunted and Adam smiled way too brightly for how early it was.

“Good morning, Glitterbaby,” he said, heading over to where Tommy was standing to pull him into a hug. Tommy laughed but let Adam manhandle him into a hug. “Didn’t see you last night,” he said simply, curling his arms around Tommy’s waist to hold him closer.

Tommy closed his eyes. Part of him wanted to tease Adam by saying ‘I sure as hell saw you’, but there was still a more confused and- more importantly- content part of him that wanted to just lounge against Adam’s chest more than it wanted to tease him. 

Tommy decided to go with that part. He curled his arms around Adam’s middle and nuzzled into his soft sleep-shirt, eyes falling shut when Adam kissed his head. Tommy sighed, letting Adam’s warm hold support him for a little while, too comfortable to be bothered with thought. “You know,” Adam said softly, interrupting his lazing. “I don’t think I’ve held you like this in a long time,” he all but whispered, raising one hand to curl around the back of Tommy’s neck, stroking at his messy hair.

Tommy hummed, tipping his head back so he could look up at Adam. “Been a while since we woke up around the same time,” he said simply, though he knew what Adam meant, even if Adam himself wasn’t aware of it. 

Both of them knew there had been a time, a short window at least, where there was definitely something there. It had probably started around the time Adam took him on vacation with him and some of his friends only after a few months of knowing each other. In Mexico, Tommy had woken up most mornings in the bed next to Adam after spending all night playing his guitar while Adam sang, or talking, or even just lying in silence together. Now, Tommy could almost pinpoint that the small window had passed not much later and he was pretty sure it had to do with the weekend Sauli had told him about, where Adam had met him.

Tommy was glad for it most of the time. They were best friends without anything to come in the way of that. For years now, it had never been a problem again. However, as he stood looking up into Adam’s eyes, both of them simply _looking_ at each other, he started to wonder why lately, things had felt different than usual.

Tommy’s musings were interrupted by the patter of lighter steps. Sauli walked in, pausing for a moment to look at them before smiling brightly. “Good morning, wow, Tommy’s awake!” Tommy pulled away from Adam when Adam looked up, breaking the spell, so that he could go get coffee. Tommy noticed his housemates sharing a peck in greeting in the reflection of the coffee pot and wondered suddenly why there was a strange lurch somewhere around his navel at the sight. 

“Fuck, I’m up way too early,” he grumbled, drinking a deep gulp of his coffee, even if it burned some.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Sauli, Sauli please!” Tommy cried, following him. “Wait, don’t cry. Come on!”

They had been out, playing around while they shopped, only to have someone snap a picture of when Sauli had gone in to help Tommy get out of a pair of too-small pants he couldn’t get undone because of all the buttons and the door to the changing stall had swung open behind him. They were both pretty sure it wouldn’t be long before photos of Sauli and Tommy in a stall while Sauli undid Tommy’s pants were all over the internet.

Tommy had laughed it off, but Sauli had gotten upset and spent the whole ride home nearly in tears, only to let out a strangled sound and _run_ for the door when they were finally there.

“Sauli?” Tommy tried gently, pushing open the door to his and Adam’s room. Sauli was laying on the bed with his shoulders shaking. “Sauli, why are you freaking out? It’s not a big deal,” he soothed, walking over. He crawled onto the bed beside him and Sauli sat up, tears on his face.

“YES! It is!” he cried, sniffling. “Adam’s going to get so much crap! He’s going to have so much gossip to deal with and people are going to call me a slut and you a home wrecker and Adam will be _so mad_ and I probably wouldn’t blame him if he _left_ me!” he sobbed, putting his face in his hands.

Tommy scoffed, pulling Sauli against his chest, shushing him as he rubbed his back. “Adam won’t leave you. He can deal with the bullshit. Besides, that time you guys got arrested? It was him being a drunk asshole. If you didn’t leave him then, he isn’t going to leave you now.” He kissed his hair. “And he might be mad, but if he yells at you again, I’ll punch him in the fucking mouth,” he said firmly. “You’re beautiful and so fucking devoted, he’s an asshole for ever making you feel bad.”

Sauli just groaned, shoving Tommy off. “Fucking stop with the ‘devoted’ bullshit,” he groaned, wiping his face. “I’m a horrible boyfriend,” he whispered. “I’m… he deserves better. He doesn’t deserve how fucked up I am.”

Tommy shook his head. “You’re not fucked up. Why would you say that? And better than what? Than a guy who loves him? He’s so lucky to have you. You’re not a horrible boyfriend-“

Sauli bit his lip guiltily. “Then why do I enjoy this too much?” he whispered, lifting the hand laced with Tommy’s. He sniffled. “Why did- Why did I jump at the chance to help you _take your clothes off_ if I’m such an incredible fucking boyfriend?” He scoffed. “I know you’re not stupid, Tommy. You- you see the way I look at you. I know you do.”

Tommy felt his heart _stop_. “Fuck,” he hissed, standing up. He paced, shoving his hair back, tugging on his bangs awkwardly. “Ah shit, I thought I was just projecting,” he groaned. 

“What?” Sauli asked softly, and Tommy sighed, pushing his hair back with both hands as he looked at Sauli.

“I thought- I thought I was just seeing what I wanted to see.” He swallowed hard. He gave Sauli a guilty look. “The same way I imagine the same look in Adam’s eyes I used to see before you when he looks at me.”

Sauli’s eyes narrowed. “What?” he asked sharply, and Tommy held up a hand.

“It isn’t there, don’t worry…although-“ He gestured between them. “Clearly you don’t get to pass judgement here,” he said and Sauli groaned. “It’s just that… before you… probably it ended _because_ of you, but before you there was… something.” He shrugged. “I like girls. I always have. But Adam… he challenged that for a while. Way before we started making out, back when he’d only kissed me that one time, he would look at me and hold me like I was something special, like I was something he had always wanted. And maybe it wouldn’t have happened, maybe it would. The point is,” Tommy said gently, “it didn’t.” He smiled sadly. “And I got over it. But lately I just… I keep thinking I see it, and I know I’m not because you are the center of his fucking world, Sauli-“

Sauli sighed. “Yeah well he’s the center of mine, and I still want nothing more than to kiss you sometimes. I want it so bad it makes me feel sick that I can’t,” he admitted, nothing but guilt on his beautiful face.

Tommy groaned. “Fuck, me too. I just… I got to know you and I’ve realized why everybody loves you. You’re so nice. And you are fun and sweet and funny and I actually have gotten jealous of Adam because he gets to have you the same damn day as I get jealous of you because you got him before I had a chance.” He threw up his hands. “How fucking stupid is that?!”

“Not too bad, considering,” Sauli said from just behind Tommy, making him turn with a start. Sauli gave him a tearful, guilty look. 

But even like that, he was beautiful. Tommy closed his eyes and swallowed hard as Sauli’s hands slid into his between them. When he opened his eyes again, his blood was pounding in his ears as he saw Sauli leaning closer. Tommy edge infinitely closer, stopping when their lips were brushing but not touching. They both held for a minute, eyes shut, before Tommy swallowed hard and turned his head just a fraction of an inch so their mouths weren’t near each other. “I can’t-“ His breath hitched. “I can’t hurt Adam like that.”

Sauli let out a weak, broken sound. “I don’t think I can either.” He pressed his forehead to Tommy’s, looking into his eyes. “Tommy, I don’t know what to do. I feel so bad all the time. Adam deserves better than somebody so weak-“

Tommy shook his head. “You aren’t weak. I _know_ okay? I’ve- maybe it wasn’t on the surface, but I’ve with the knowledge that- that I could’ve had a chance at Adam if I had just stopped fighting the attraction to another man sooner. I was never angry though. I didn’t know then that it was meeting you, but whatever it was that changed and made him stop looking at me the same, I wasn’t angry. I just accepted that I missed that chance.” He looked at  
Sauli sadly. “I can accept that you are his and I can’t have you.”

Sauli just smiled sadly, his eyes showing his pain. “I would apologize for stealing him from you on accident, but I’m not sorry.” He laughed a pained, jagged sounding laugh as he raised one hand to curl around Tommy’s jaw. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And he let me meet you… even if I’m his… I have always felt something for you.”

“What. The. Fuck?!”

Tommy and Sauli both gasped in shock, neither having heard anybody even get home, nonetheless Adam coming up the stairs and down the hall. Adam, who was just standing in the doorway with a pale, confused, _shocked_ expression. “What- what are you two…” He trailed off, looking from Tommy’s horrified expression to Sauli’s guilty one. “Did-“ He shook his head, face slowly morphing into one of pain. “Did you just say you- you-“ He shook his head, unable to even speak the words. “Him?” he whimpered, shooting a heartbroken look at Tommy. 

“Adam,” Sauli started, and Adam just shook his head, taking a shaky breath before he turned to rush away from the door.

“Oh fuck,” Tommy groaned, panicking as he yanked his hair more, shuffling around. “Fuck no, not like this-“

Sauli just shook his head. “No, let me- let me talk to him.” He gave Tommy a pleading look. “Please, calm down and just- I’ll talk to him. I mean, nothing happened,” he said firmly, and Tommy nodded.

“Exactly. I wouldn’t even kiss you, I couldn’t hurt him that way. _Nothing_ happened,” he agreed firmly, though he could tell neither of them really believed that mattered too much.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was sitting on the couch, staring at the coffee table with his face in his hands when Sauli got downstairs. He walked over and sat beside him. “Adam?” he said softly, and Adam looked up, though he was staring at Sauli like he didn’t know who he was. “Adam, we need to talk-“

Adam scoffed. “Yeah, apparently!” He shook his head. “I just… how? How Sauli?” he asked, biting at his nails. “He’s my best friend. How could you- _why_?” he asked almost desperately. “What did I do-“

Sauli shook his head. “Baby no-“

“To make you not love me anymore?” Adam finished in a confused, hurt voice.

Sauli felt his heart crush in his chest at Adam’s words. “No,” he said firmly. “It isn’t like that,” he stressed. He sighed. “Adam… what did you hear?” he asked calmly.

Adam flinched, eyes closing like he was expecting a blow. “It sounded like you were telling Tommy you love him. I just… I had just walked to the door and you said you had feelings for him and you were-you were in his arms and your faces were just-“ He shook his head, turning to give Sauli a broken look. “Was it something I did wrong?”

Sauli shook his head, throat closing on him. “No, Adam. _No_.” He reached out to touch his arm, only for Adam to pull away. It hurt. “Adam, what you saw was- well, I won’t say not what you think, because I won’t lie to you.” Adam’s face fell. “ _Nothing_ happened,” he swore.

“You told him you love him, how the fuck hasn’t anything happened?!” Adam demanded.

Sauli clenched his fist on his thigh. “Adam, I do… have feelings for him.” He looked up and shook his head. “But neither of us would ever hurt you like that. We couldn’t even kiss, Adam. He has feelings for me too, but we could _never_ do that to you. I will not _ever_ betray you like that.”

Adam snorted. “Sauli, maybe you didn’t cheat on me, but you have to admit, being secretly in love with my best friend is pretty damn betraying-“

Sauli’s nostrils flared. “What, so you can love him but not me?!” he demanded, and Adam _froze_. “Adam, he told me. He told me that you’ve started looking at him the same way you did before you met me. And I knew it. I saw it so many times lately,” he said forcefully. “You- you were holding him and looking at him like you look at me that morning. Don’t you dare tell me that if I wasn’t here-“

Adam looked up sharply. “But you _are_! You are here. Fuck, Sauli, okay maybe. Maybe before you and maybe there have been moments more lately but I wouldn’t do that-“

“And I’m telling you, I wouldn’t do that to _you_!” Sauli stressed. “Fuck, I have had moments where it _hurt_ not to kiss him. Do you know how hard it is to look at him and not be able to have him?” he asked weakly. “And you know why I never give in? I can see it in his eyes he wants the same things, but neither of us have _ever_ given in because of _you_ ,” he whispered. “Adam, I loved you first and I’ve loved you longest.” He shook his head. “And you’re his best friend. He has known you longer than I have. He’s loved you longer than I have. It may be there, but we won’t ever hurt you like that.”

Adam just shook his head. “How- what can we do?” he asked weakly. “Sauli, you just said it, it hurts you to not be with him. How can I do that to you?” he asked softly. “Fuck, him too. You two are the most important people in the world to me. Probably more than my own mother. How can I just… hurt you guys like this?” he asked.

Sauli shrugged. “You have to, Adam.” He gently took Adam’s hand in his. “Because without you, we would both be worthless. Without you, I would be _lost_.” He pulled Adam’s hand to his chest and held it over his heart. “Almost as soon as I met you, I knew that you were in here forever. I want you in my life _forever_ , Adam.” He shook his head as a tear slid down his face. “You have me until you don’t want me anymore.”

Adam laughed wetly, a pained sound that was accompanied by a quite watery gaze. “Tommy says the same thing. Word for word, even. ‘You have me until you don’t want me anymore, Adam’… just that.” He shook his head. “What the fuck can I do? I just… there’s no way to not have broken hearts.” He looked at Sauli with an expression like he was barely holding it together. “I can’t lose him. I don’t want to lose you, but he’s my best friend. What if…” He stopped, throat working as he clearly fought to not cry. “What if I just- just let you guys… be whatever? I can be the one to bow out-“

“The fuck you will, Lambert.” Adam and Sauli both looked up to see Tommy coming into the room from where he had been hiding on the stairs to listen in. “You are not fucking leaving-“

“I’m not saying that,” Adam said quickly. “I can be the one to back off. You two can be whatever you want to be for each other and I can just be your friend-“

“Do you think I could do that?!” Tommy asked, eyes wide. “Do you actually believe for a second I could steal your boyfriend and not hate myself?!” He shook his head. “You have never been happier than with him! I remember you worrying you would never fall in love again and you did and you were _happy_ and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for taking him from you-“

“Well what the fuck do you propose then, Tommy?!” Adam cried, tears streaking his cheeks as he looked up at him. “Can you actually stand to sit on the fucking edges and watch me and Sauli stay together knowing that Sauli loves you-“

“ _Yes_!” Tommy spat. “Because it is what has to happen. I have sat here and become best friends with him and he ended up with you when I was in love with you first and I’ve _never_ resented him for it!” he spat, only to pale.

Sauli just sighed. “Don’t bother being shocked, I told him,” he said and Tommy’s cheeks flushed. “Adam, that’s his point. He loved you before he loved me. He never resented me because I made you happy. He may have feelings for me, but neither of us would ever hurt you-“

“But it hurts me to know I’m the reason you two are hurting,” Adam cried, shaking his head. “We’re just going in circles, damn it! There’s- there is no way around this when I love you both. You are my world, Sauli, and the only reason, Tommy, that I never went for it is because you were straight!”

Sauli looked at Tommy, who looked green, Adam, who was starting to cry, and his own lap as he started to get an idea. He looked up at Tommy and then at Adam, and then back to Tommy. “I love you both,” he pronounced and Tommy frowned. “Do… do you love us both?” he asked, and Tommy suddenly froze, eyes widening when he caught on to what Sauli was saying.

“I-“ He smiled a fearful yet almost hopeful smile as he looked at Adam. “I love both of you.”

Sauli gave Adam a searching look, though Adam just looked confused. “Then why can’t I have you both?” Adam frowned but Sauli leaned in and kissed him. A tiny, chaste kiss that made Adam’s frown deepen.

“I’m not following.”

Sauli stood up and walked over to Tommy, who gave him a tiny smile. Sauli cupped Tommy’s cheek in his hands and kissed him, lips barely brushing. “I get it,” Tommy said softly, smiling at Sauli, only for them both to turn and look at Adam, who was just staring at them with a hurt and confused look.

Sauli nudged Tommy. “Go on,” he said, and Tommy gave Adam a somewhat frightened look as he walked closer in tiny, uneven steps. He stopped in front of Adam, who still looked confused, and leaned in slowly, curling his hand around the back of Adam’s neck as he kissed him. When he pulled away, he sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of Adam, who just looked even more confused than ever. Sauli laughed softly and walked over to sit beside Adam. “Adam, do you see?” he asked, sliding his hand into Adam’s before sliding his free hand into Tommy’s.

Tommy smiled at him and reached out to take Adam’s other hand in his. Adam stared at their interconnected hands, then looked up suddenly, eyes wide. “Wait, are you suggesting-“

“Why not?” Tommy asked, shrugging. 

Adam spluttered. “Because it’s _crazy_! Tommy, come the fuck on, people don’t _do_ -“

“Adam Lambert, you know that is a lie,” Tommy pointed out, grinning. “What is it you always say? About all that ‘love has no boundaries’ shit? We are three fully sane grown men,” he said, looking at Sauli with a smile. “Why not? We have established, this isn’t really a love triangle, it’s more like a love _circle_.”

Sauli giggled. “Oh my God it is!” he said, then looked at Adam. “Adam, come on,” he urged, giving him a pleading look. “It’s either this, or none of us because you don’t seem to think Tommy can just bow out, and I can’t be with him without you.”

Tommy nodded. “Adam, I love you too much to steal your boyfriend,” he said softly, stroking his thumb along Adam’s in his hold. “I know you feel something for me, Adam. Can you find it in yourself to do this for Sauli? I love you, I want to be with you, but Sauli is the one that could lose the most here. He gave up so much for you-“

“Bullshit, Adam is the one who has his best friend and his boyfriend hanging in the balance,” Sauli said, and Adam rolled his eyes.

“My God, okay, fine I think we’re all insane, but for some reason this crazy-talk is making sense to me,” he admitted, and Sauli smiled. Adam sighed. “It’s… scary. But you’re right,” he said, looking at Sauli. “I have never loved you any less even if I knew the feelings for Tommy were never really gone.” He looked at Tommy. “I can’t lose you. I can’t make you leave and you promised you would be with me until then.”

Tommy smiled, nodding. “Exactly. You never have to worry about me leaving. Sauli has planned on spending the rest of his life with you for a long time. The only difference is that Sauli and I can have each other too, and you get to have me a little differently than you imagined before.”

Adam sighed, flushing. “Maybe not differently than I _imagined_ -“

Tommy just grinned. “You perv,” he said, only to lean in and kiss Adam, eyes falling shut as he waited for Adam’s reaction. When Adam took control and deepened the kiss, the rest of Tommy’s doubts melted away. Before he could get too lost in the feeling, a tug at his hand distracted him and the kiss broke, only to see Sauli grinning.

“Hey, third person here,” he joked and Tommy laughed as Adam leaned over and kissed him instead. Sauli’s heart leapt, however, when he pulled away and looked at Tommy. “You have no idea how much I have wanted to do this,” he gushed before leaning in, wrapping one hand around Tommy’s neck, sinking the other into Tommy’s hair as he kissed him for real. Tommy moaned softly as Sauli lapped into his mouth, clearly trying to melt Tommy’s brain and make his heart explode at the same time. Every bit of him was singing as he finally, _finally_ , tasted Sauli’s kisses for the first _real_ kiss.

However, they were interrupted by Adam asking, “Wait, how is sex supposed to work?”

Sauli pulled away and Tommy raised an eyebrow, then hummed. “I’ve never had sex with a man,” he said with a shrug, and Sauli’s eyes darkened as he shot him a filthy smirk.

Adam’s eyes widened as he saw the way the two blondes were eyeing each other. His jaw hit the floor, however, when Sauli lunged at Tommy, clearly deciding that hot, dirty kisses were the way to respond to that. Sauli broke away with a gasp. “You should fuck me and Adam can watch.” As Tommy and Sauli exchanged filthy looks and then ran for the stairs, Adam finally realized that he was actually now in a relationship with two of the hottest little blonds Adam had ever met. 

After said realization, Adam wasted to time following them.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments also welcome on Livejournal [here](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/922614.html#comments)


End file.
